Endless Hope

Recently, mamma’s friend brought her little grandson to our place. I had only seen him once before as I was always busy with studies and numerous assignments coincidently due the very next day of her visit, so I never had a chance to even look at him for more than a couple of seconds. I would beg leave and get to work. But now, I had all the time in the world to play with the kid and observe his hilarious attempts of being wise.

His name is Braiden (however its spelled) and he’s a year and a half. There’s something unique about him: he’s tremendously chubby. It would give me a lifetime backache if I ever tried to lift him. I actually scared him upon his bare feet entrance to our place, somehow – I am still unable to understand what it is in my appearance that could have caused harm to his senses =\ – anyway, gulping down the bitterness in his eyes I smiled at him to assure him that I won’t suck blood out his neck so calm down. He smiled back at me and walked towards me, relaxing the mood caused by his sudden scream.

He showed me his toys that he had brought with him but he threw everything away and chose to play with my soccer ball. I didn’t know the intensity of his throwing skills until he threw the ball, aiming right at my head. He was furious with me since I didn’t pay attention when he said “saaaaa chhh” (I am guessing it meant my name and catch). He said it twice but I was too busy watching the movie so he decided to beat it. What a way to grab my attention kid!

I realized the sweetest thing about little children is that they don’t need to know you are to be able to play with you. All they care about is: warmth (second to there own mood). They won’t question you or bother you with endless description of milk products, cookies, anatomy of chicken or anything mother earth produces. They accept you as you are; by all means children are great inspiration.

We both played for an hour or two and he left our house happily. Yawning and running after his grandma, he fell twice and dropped his toys uncountable times. I waved at him and sighed. I want to see him again soon.
Children are not as bad as I thought.

Time to go. CHAO

L o v e

I have been thinking of changing my writing style for so long that it seems like I won’t implement it anytime soon. So many things on my mind nowadays that it requires hours for me to make those lavish changes on the ever so limited wordpress. Besides this, I have to download new music, since honestly I know all the songs by heart that I been listening to for the past whole year.

And apart from worrying about all this, I have yet another topic to write about. It is a pretty common and most discussed global issue, or at least in our side of the world. Bigger than 40th anniversary of landing on the moon. It is the declaration of starting a happy life with our better half, the laduu of marriage. Ever since a daughter is born in a family, they fill her head up with fantasies of a prince charming that will come to rescue her from the cruel world of dish washing or dusting (most, not all). If parents avoid these stories, Disney helps drill it in. I don’t remember reading or watching sleeping beauty, beauty and the beast, Pocahontas etc as a child. Though I do remember reading Casper and wuthering heights, as a child! But the girls who do read these … my heart goes out to all of you because reality my dear is more important than focusing the camera on two characters only. This also goes for the guys, they are “meant” to be strong to be able to rescue their true love.

Personally, I never had time to spend on reading until grade 5. I was the most annoyingly active child, a definite winner in all sports (even if I didn’t know how to play the game.. ahem you know how ). And when I started reading, I chose the most hard to understand authors, as a kid I didn’t get half of what they said but it was more important to carry a book with me than to understand it. I read books that had captions “don’t read when alone, and if you do keep repeating to yourself ‘its only a book.” Now, what is one to fantasize while reading these books!!

Anyway. Now that I think I can have a say that has got to make sense about marriage, I am writing it down here. To me marriage is not for people who “think”, period. No, seriously the more you think about what qualities you need, what satisfies you, what you adore, what you can tolerate, and which qualities are a big no no, buddy you’re done. You’re done way before you started. One has to be blank headed to make it a success. Once you are not aware of what is okay and what is not, you tend to teach each other and learn off each other making it a more tolerable and long lasting relation. To all the people who think they need to “understand’ the person before they take a step further, it is a good form of worry but the fact is you can’t ever know how the person is until you put them in different situation. And by that I don’t mean get your friend to test how truthful he/she is. Life is a lot more than a few friends and their tricks, situations are so challenging that even our imagination does not possess the capability to picture it. Your better half is not obliged to know the anatomy of chicken/computer/makeup if he/she don’t want to, because they don’t have to!

Once you know a person too well, you judge them. And judgment often takes you down a hill you never expect.

Its up to you how you take it, as a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare .. So take it easy and CHILL!

Astalavistaa

L o v e

It’s been long. Yes I admit I took the most time off doing other things rather then continuing writing my blog. But honestly, all these days I have been going through different phases of anguish. A mental state that is hard to explain. I wonder if God is really cruel? Or the trail He puts us through? Our mothers, on this very earth, seem way less cruel and punishing when they put us through anything, comparatively. Or at least it seems like it.

Perhaps this is the process of learning, accepting and moving on.

Anyway.

It’s a beautiful rainy day today and I managed to take some pictures from my balcony of the cloudy city. Though it was truly not the best photo shoot but I still managed to get some … Here goes:

I was watching the meeting of Amir Khan and Clinton with some people regarding better education. He mentioned something I have been telling everyone for so long. He said: we focus more on competition – who got what grade or whose better than the other – whereas it should be more about helping your friend and ending the race of “I am better”. These are my words that are, yet again, put out there by somebody who thinks like me (really what makes us all different?)

I have been a competition freak myself but never academically. I was more rebellious and intolerant when given a challenge at work, games, debates, anything but I kept my steady speed in studies. I never thought it was important to score a 99.9 if I scored a 99 in last grade/course but my teacher and my principle use to put me through it, with their sky rocketing expectations. Whereas, my family was more concerned about me beating my brother’s record of highest mark (which I did many times). It was all too fast paced and seemed fake: why am I out beating all the other people? Unwilling to support their weaknesses? And most importantly, misleading myself in believing that there aint nothing on the face of mother earth that I cant do.. mehh ask me now, I got a list here

Its important to remain grounded, down to earth and warm hearted. Otherwise, your in for alota trouble, failures and “why me”.

Time for me to go. Gnite

L o v e

Beauty. It’s amazing how everyone wants to look extraordinarily beautiful, far from comparison with other fellow beings. It has become more like a competition that takes place in every house, on every street. Society has set basic criteria for every individual to be ranked on, regardless of any other factor that might be of great use or at least appreciatable. Lets look at the criterion:

1) Good Looks
2) Respectable family and good looks
3) Good ethics, good knowledge and good looks
4) Good manners, well behaved and good looks

For many marriages, beauty plays a pivotal role. It sidelines many other factors that can or may cause disturbance between the couple or the families. Its all about getting your hands on the prettiest creature possible without noticing the needs, requirement and demands from the other side. People often talk about the inner beauty that shall be valued more but when it comes to applying this rule in their own personal decisions, everything seems to go wrong. And the funny part is, when people get their hands on the prettiest spouse possible, they don’t value them.

People have such craze for beauty that they are willing to go beyond the limits of sanity. From natural homemade beauty products to fairness creams, tummy tuck to botox, liposuction to surgeries that are life threatening and if done wrong can’t be reversed [i.e, Shabana Azmi’s one eyebrow that stays up high was due to a cosmetic procedure that can’t be reversed; ash and shilpa’s nose job]. Is this insecurity? Or a race to look so beautiful it would hurt to look at you?

There definitely are a lot of pros for being beautiful but what people don’t care about are the taunting behaviour of others that come in the form of hatred and jealousy. I could never understand why the prettiest people felt lonely in huge crowds and more at home with few honest friends.

They say: excess of anything is bad and as I am growing up, I feel it’s actually true. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, every person experiences it differently. Some rank it on looks and physical appearance, whereas some worry about the inner self. We all can never think the same !

Time for me to leave. Gnite

Love

I hate it when somebody steals my thoughts. I feel betrayed by time. If my timing were right, I would have written or put my thoughts into words way before the other person had the time to steal them. But the problem is that I don’t really know how to react to my thought being thrown at me by somebody else, sometimes in better wording. Should I jump up and down claiming I think the same or should I just ignore?

This makes every individual not an individual but just the … same. Seriously, what’s the difference? The person sitting across me has a brain too and he/she thinks also, just like I do. But perhaps my exposure is bigger or perhaps it’s like a little dot, comparatively. I am entitled to my opinion and so is the other person. But still…. Why are we the same? Is it because we belong to the same specie or is it because? grhh

If we are the same then what is the problem? Why is there so much hatred and greed out there? Does that mean we are all greedy deep down inside and that is what is reflected back from others? If I am nice, the other person is going to be nice but if I am bad then the other person is going to be bad also. Its either we are all bad or we are all good.

Emm.. what about the middle then?

Okay simple words: why do they think what I think and why do I think what others also think. Why can’t others think something different and I think something different and we all do everything differently. I don’t mean to chaotisize the situation but I am thinking to separate the complications to reduce confusion. Life would be great if there were no copyrights.

I am overwhelmed by my thoughts and almost short of words. Time to sleep. Gnite

Love

I wonder why I have started experiencing every emotion and weather differently. Sometimes I feel like flying to the moon and back. I noticed I am changing, perhaps allowing myself to grow with acceptance of illusions. They say there is a time for everything and to me it sounds really true.

The night outside my window promises way more than darkness only. It assures commitment of being bound to a span designated for a fixed activity. From the stars in the sky, the lights on the road, and the trees in the park, loneliness seems to be at its peak. The sound of water in the swimming pool and the footsteps of people is building the loneliness even more. There are so many things that we don’t accept no matter how true they are. Sometimes delusion is satisfaction.

Our desires poison the soul. We hate, lust, greed, and gossip without really thinking why. I wonder why sometimes we use phrases like “variety is the spice of life” and many more to calm the inner soul’s pounding questions. Some people like to blame the body for every bad deed and some like to blame the soul, but the funny part is: people that blame either of these are the ones that give into their desires more than the rest of the world they are trying to fool with their absurdly retarded philosophies. ‘Keep it to yourself homie and get well soon’ I wish I could tell them all. It likes we are being led by a person who is himself blind.

They all seem ill to me, in desperate need of psychological counselling. This is why its important to analyze the philosophies of other people stacked up in the library before making them your own. Don’t be fooled!

Time for me to go and sleep. Gnite

Love

Let me die in your arms
Let me feel you surround
The thing that they call a heart
The thing that I call a device

Pathetic vows that you take
Betrayal written in fate
You think your fanatic dreams
Will get you off to a start
Baby it aint that easy
It takes your blood in trial
It stalks you day and night

It is hard to achieve
It only brings miseries
The one who venture it right
Bags pleasure and joy

You led me on for a reason
Perhaps it was to leave alone
You like the spotlight on you
You worry less for the pain
I spur love into you
You gave me only despair
Don’t come running back to me
I aint taking you back now
You worth a worthless dime
You make me sick in prime

I don’t like people to decide
My boundaries
It is hard to go through
Same old days following rules
Let me break through now
Let me get you outta mind
Don’t worry, people like you
Are not so hard to find

You was only a glaze..
Blinded me for a phase
Time to move on now
Time to outgrow it all ..