I had come back from the park on Thursday after talking to my friend on phone. I went in my brother’s room, who was using his laptop, and hit him on his back lightly with my book. I told him he should read more books, it opens up ones mind and forces you to think about other possibilities of the world. I told him about the book I was reading nowadays and that I would have sued the author if I were born before since everything I have written or thought is what he had published in the book; some were exact wordings and some a little better. My brother heard me say that and turned his head back to the laptop. I waited for him to say something but then I thought I should concentrate on the book, I only have 60 more pages to finish I think. I read a few pages and almost jumped in shock when I heard my brother read out his friends msn nick “ Michael Jackson is DEAD”. I moved from the bed in distress to read it myself and than ran out of the room to turn the TV on. I watched the news for 6 hours straight and had to turn it off when it got on my mothers head. I watched the news even more on Friday and today. I wanted to write something on Thursday but it just wasn’t possible. I couldn’t get together my thoughts to put them down here.
There are three people I looked up to, who are/were very successful in their own respective fields: Benazir Bhutto in politics, Dr Zakir naik in religious debates, and Michael Jackson in music and dancing. Two are gone, only one left – I hope he hits a 90, inshallah.
When I was little and had very less awareness of the world outside my house, I remember watching my big brother buying cassettes of MJ and dancing to his songs. I didn’t know who this guy was except for the fact that he could walk backwards, DYAM! I also remember, as a child, playing Michael Jackson game on sega and imitating his moves after moving on to every new stage. I never understood what he said or perhaps I was not interested in listening to his lyrics, it was the music and the beat of the song that got me going.
As many other kids, I am gifted with the understanding of music. I, unwillingly, flow with the beat and visualize myself in different situations. It’s almost like a mini movie taking place in my brain with every song and it sickens me when somebody plays with volume or pauses it. And when it comes to an ideal beat to move on, it’s got to be MJ’s song. It makes you want to dance. I recently started listening to MJ; this last year I was known as an MJ fan. I couldn’t get enough of “the way you make me feel” “they don’t care about us” “scream” “bad” “leave me alone” and many more.
But, as I was watching the news, I couldn’t accept the reality of life not stopping for anyone. Thursday, it was all about MJ; Friday half other news and half MJ; Saturday, only few hours of MJ and who knows how lesser to zero this broadcasting goes. Of the 40ish years he has given to this field, its a payback of only 2-3 days.
This reminds me, when I was in grade 8 and moving on to high school and after graduating from high school, I use to proclaim, “this school should close now, since I am no more here”, everybody in my house laughed at my naivety. It is still hard to digest the reality that nothing stops – I don’t know how I would react when I am done university. But they say life goes on and now I truly am trying to believe it.
I am 20 and he’s dead. I will miss you MJ … sigh*
Love and my anxiety
